Just a small confession of me

I can't believe that after 3 years since my first time on september 2011, I fell in love again & again with the wrong guy.. I mean not wrong in bad way & he not a bad guy though..it just arggghh myself again fall for someone in wrong place, wrong time & wrong type of guy.. Re get hold of yourself, for pete's sake..he is someone's boyfriend.

My own biggest weakness that when I fall I fall too hard, when I love I love too much that I even can hurt my own inner self. Maybe my friends can bubbling that "Re, it just a tiny crush..you can get over him asap" , "Re, don't play with fire..He is someone's boyfriend" ,  "Re, I know you don't believe boys..stop melting for him" , "Re, time can heal..just be patient"...woahh there's a lot of Re here, Re there..thanks my beloved friends for care & do believe that I can forget him but even myself can't believe I will forget him, maybe not that fast. Even just 88days my love story go on with my ex, I can't forget him for almost 3 years & I can't imagine forgetting someone that I barely know for almost 4months already, it's even a longer time than knowing my first exboyfriend.

If I can tell, yes it's a true love of mine. True love at first sight maybe, He is perfectly definion of a guy that I dream of but the only problem he's not single but I put much hope that he will be single but how stupid I am for thinking like that. Tsk, why I even bother to fall in love. All this time, I just fine with no boys around me except my guys classmates & why it happened again, why I fall again? Why I put much hope for a guy? Why I want to keep hurting myself for twice? Why & why actually this happened? Reiy run to her locker to get some additional books when someone opened a locker beside her. Ohh it was the newcomer, a boy named Jackson. He gained popularity as soon as he stepped in this school about months ago, in the beginning of the senior year. Reiy glance at him, He not so that tall, probably 170cm and yet so handsome. He smiled to reiy and she replied with tiny smile too.

“I want to talk to you later”, he said. Reiy looked at him in confusion. “But we’re in hurry right now, so yeahh you’ll have lunch with me, okay? “ Jackson said and he just walk away.

Reiy’s dropped her jaw, she barely knew him and he asked her to “have lunch” with him? God ! he was weird.

Reiy barely concentrated in the class because of that boy named Jackson. What did he want us to talk about? It was really rare that guys speak to her first. As soon as the break time bell was ringing, Reiy packed her books and got up.
“Where are you going?” asked Kara, one of her friends

“Lunch for sure”, Reiy answered

“Without us?” Reiy’s other friend, Hana, asked

“I – I have an appointment with someone, Yep” Reiy answered nervously

“With who?”  Hana raised her eyebrows

“It’s not, I’m just. Okay, I’ll tell you guys after lunch, okay? Later guys !” Reiy said as she walked out of the class and she saw Jackson already waiting for her beside her locker.

“Hi” Reiy greeted him as she opened her locker and put unnecessary books away.  “So what it is?” Reiy suddenly asked after she done her things.

“Woahh slow down girl, I got lunch for us. We won’t have lunch in cafeteria coz I have a better place, so let’s go !” Jackson just smiled ear to ear and waved two packs of sandwich and orange juice in his hands. Reiy followed him and finally sat down under a tree which now the leaves turned red and orange.

“Come on, sit here. You won’t get dirt on your skirt, hope so” He said. Reiy just nodded and sat beside him leaving some space between her and him. Jackson handed her the sandwich and orange juice.

As she accepted it and thanked him, She asked him again, “So what it is actually?”

Jackson was in the middle of biting the sandwich and his face turned red. “Are you close with that girl – uh – named Sarah?” he asked

Ah, so that’s what he wanted to know. Reiy smiled bitterly. “Yeah.. I am, “ Reiy answered shortly and continue sipping her orange juice

“Really?!” His eyes were beaming with joy. What are you to her? a BFF? Because I saw got off from her car this morning.”

“Were you stalking her?” Reiy asked jokingly

“No, no, no. I wasn’t and I’m not going to. I just – ermm – wanted to be close to her, but I have no idea how. I don’t know where to ask for information since I’m new here, until I saw you guys got off from the same car this morning. He stared at Reiy, Uncomfortable with the sudden eye contact, she looked away

“She is my cousin, I can help you”, Reiy said without looking at him.

Suddenly Jackson grabbed her wrist and become so excited “Really?! Whoaa, you’re the best !” he said excitedly.

Reiy just laughed because of his action. Suddenly, he stopped and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ermm.. I don’t know your name yet and probably you don’t know my name either. So.. I’m Jackson” he offered his hand for shake.

Reiy smiled and shook hands with him. “I’m Reiy.”

“Rainism? Jackson jokingly asked

“Haha whatever dude,” Reiy just slightly laugh with that kind of question V’s POV

“Let’s stop here, she says, as her voice cracks. My eyes widen as I look up to see her only for her to avoid my eyes. I open my mouth so she’ll stop but nothing comes out.

“Here..” she says suddenly. She places something in the palm of my hands but I already know what it is. Seeing it will only hurt me. Say something V ! The voice in my head keeps telling me. I try and try but nothing comes out.

My heart begins to pound, panicking for some reason. “I’ll be going out, don’t bother looking for me.” She says, followed up by a saddling laugh at the end. I watch her head out until the door slams shut behind her.

I don’t know what I was feeling. First I was yelling at her but now why I can’t talk? One part of me tells me to go look for her while the other tells me not to.

Feeling wet water sliding down my cheeks. I began to realize as I open my palms to take a look at the ring. Drip by drip, my tears began to fall. Finally knowing what all her questions, her words meant. I let out small sounds. I let her go because of my stupid mistakes.

I broke her, I hurt her  and I broke us apart. “Don’t leave me..” I continue to talk even though she’s not here to hear it.

“Did our relationship mean anything to you?” 

“It meant everything to me..”

“ V, did you even love me to begin with?” 

“I’ve always loved you…”

The words that wouldn’t come out when she was here finally began to spill.

not just who have there for fun :)

Liking n love someone maybe a good thing but..i must always protect my heart..i'll not disappoint myself anymore..let's don't expect much from someone that just being between dream n reality..not what we want we always get n sometimes dreaming is much better than anything else.. ;-)




ok cukupla mengarut hari ne...so my lovingly bloggie..need to go,bubye hee... muahhh :D
          Omo,i miss my blog...hehe,not update a few days ne..well,i'm busy u knoe....membusykn diri di kala xbusy,hehe...n maybe a time to heal my pain..uisehhh,still lg ahh with this pain2 topic... So here,today i gonna update bout what i am doing last week...last week tu jg la d kala ak emo2 with that person...goshhh kepala manyak kusut ohh time tu...nahh ngam timing jgla,there is a lot of things yg dpt d buat demi mengelak kn me for being emotional joj here....first DOTA,then holiday in sandakan n finally the finishing school...

          erm first thing,DOTA....haha,say i'm crazy la kn bloggie..knoe what?? i started learned how to play dota...i dunno much la bout this dota kn but it's some kind of game that can bring addicted,that's what i heard la kn from others... dunno why i get intention utk main dota ne,erm xkanla gara2 Rizal kn...again,his name appear..haha,yeahh admit it at first mimang ak mau belajar main dota ne demi dia...well,cm xtau kn when we started to like someone all of sudden we also can get intention utk terlibat sama suka dgn apa y durg minat..yup,it's happened to me...knoe what at first ak xsuka berkbox then gara2 dia nahhh kbox jo tempat favourite sdh skrg,,haha..then want to learn main dota....bcoz of him jg...tp kn memandangkn our problem got bigger day to day...terus ak pn cm teda smngat sdh,entah smngat apa pn xtau..haha,think about xkan ak suddently mau jd rere dotalism kn..ala2 riz dotalism..ahahaha,lol yaww....tp ak tetap jg mintak folder dota tu dgn classmate ak c Reel...dia pn bg ja ne then srh ak bljr..t sdh expert blh lawan2 knun katanya....then ok,dptla sdh folder dota ne...test2 stress tryla main,wohoo got speechless here tnguk that game...cm sakai pn da jg,i dunno how to play it...kik,just tekan2 sembarangan but cm not functional..haha,then try pny try still can get it for real..then give up...p what's app reel cara2 mw main..then dia bgtau begini2 tp ak end up tertidur...kik,so ak just giveup...xtahan lagi mw urus that dota,haha... erm trus dlm kepala karang2 la bru bljr..hehe..so dota just tunggu till me rasa mw belajar kau ok....peace!!~

          Second one is hols...yeahh,for the first time la kn bercuti setelah berstress2...n first time jgla brcuti dgn durg aunty yam,spade,aunty pah..wak ina...uncle n his kids....goshhh,i have fun there...where?? sandakan maree mahh!!~ yeahhh,godd even thought i had hard time spending hols with my kazen which is we got some probs there tp we had fun yawww..hehe,i'm so happy till i forget.....~~~~ erm u knoe la tu kn bloggie..hee,paling best asyik makan ja..hu2 tp memandangkan ak ne cepat kenyang maka ak jala y makan pn just ala kadar...while c spade very enjoying makanan yg banyak tu...even 3hari ja pn can gain weight u knoe... erm pa lg ahh,oya we go to sepilok..kekeke,orang utan observation,so cute lol....haha...then we back on sunday coz i have event in uitm at the night...so the story of hols end here...as it's not bring too many sweet memors but i still have a good day there....SANDAKAN u r syiok!!~









                           















Kelas finance... wahhh what a bad day..
arini plan nak g library dengan kawan photocopy past year ..
tpnya library tutup pulak..
dengan semangat ak berjalan naik ke atas 2...
tutup pulak..ahhh mimang la nasib malang..
hahahaha today i'm so tired but i had fun with my friends but as usual i always keep quiet..but what 2 do,

today i gonna write bout my ideal type..huhuhu
saya sbnrny xda idea yang jelas sal ideal type nehh
haha,in this earth i wish someone like namjoon

yep..i see him as da handsome guy in this earth..hehe,yess he is..
erm beside he is so caring person
tp bila fikir balik i don't need one..erm saya xmau terlibat dengan sebarang drama cinta di kampus,i want a normal college life dan mau graduate on the time...

erm nothing special bout me
just an ordinary girl and 'blank'...
haha,i recently called myself blank cz yeahhh that's the way i am,always blank..
one of my friends called me the innocent one..wahhh ya ka saya nehh innocent??
hehe,actually saya bkn innocent just saya tak suka byk cakap and cam saya cakapla saya always blank..

haha saya pn rasa lucu bila jurulatih jpa d uitm cakap saya kentara cam org sakit cz saya always blank..hehe,it's prove that i'm a totally blank person..poor 4 me..

What this crap of mine actually? Lol
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